Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Good Eater Award

My wife wanted to get me something strange. It was our anniversary, and she wanted something silly, as she knows absurdity is my style. This ribbon was out in my car, and is now hanging on my rear-view mirror. She was very careful to say that this was not a comment on my expanding waistline (although the fact that she put this disclaimer in makes me a little suspicious). She just was looking for the weirdest thing to give me and this was what she found.

I have to admit, the more I look at it, the stranger it seems to me. When would you want to give this award out? Would it be something a parent would use to motivate a child to eat what is in front of them on the plate? Would it be given at an obesity camp for someone who did not go after the fattening foods but was the "biggest loser?" Would this be simply given to the child who was good at nothing, but in fairness needed something given to them, so awarding them for doing a daily function was the best that could be done? If so, is there a "Good Breather Award" or a "Good Standing Up Award?"

Then there is the issue of the monkey. When I think of something that represents the idea of being a "good eater," a monkey with a banana is not at the top of my mind. Wouldn't a hippo, elephant, or Jabba the Hutt be a better image? Maybe it is not the quantity of the eating, but rather the quality of the eating. After all, a banana is a fairly healthy thing to eat, and the monkey seems to be doing so with vim and vigor. Plus, he is not making a mess of things like the hippo would - he is setting a real example to the children of the world as to how you should eat a banana.

I bet he is not counting carbs, though. If this was an award for the Atkin's diet, the "Good Eater Award" would picture a carnivore of some sort, like a dog, puma, or Great White Shark. Well, I'll have to keep my eye open for one of those.

Anyhow, I display my award so all the world can see that I am, in fact, a good eater. I don't think that those around me would doubt this fact. I take comfort in the fact that, after 16 years of marriage, my wife still considers me a good eater. What more can you ask for? Good father? Good example for our children? Good doctor? No, I am a good eater.

At least this wasn't the "Good TV-Watching, Lazy Slob Award." Then I would really start to worry.