Some dogs go to heaven

Holly (my informant) wants me to point out that not all dogs are bad. Take the following article, for example:

Dog and Goat Team Up to Save Farmer's Life after Cow Knocks Him into 'the Poop'

BENALLA (Australia) — Here's a news item that reads like a twisted version of "Old MacDonald".

Noel Osborne had a farm (e-i-e-i-o). And on that farm he had a cow (e-i-e-i-o). On Oct. 8, the cow apparently knocked him into a pile of manure, breaking his hip and rendering him immobile. He might have died if not for his faithful dog and pet goat who took care of him for five days until help arrived.

According to the Herald Sun, Mr. Osborne, 78, endured storms, cold nights and hot days as he lay incapacitated in the open field with severe injuries. He was kept sheltered by huddling between his goat "Mandy" on one side and his dog (also named "Mandy") on the other. For nourishment, he subsisted on milk from the goat.

(Too bad they weren't in a wheat field, or the dog could've fixed him some collie flour.)

Mr. Osborne describes his ordeal: after the cow had bumped him into "the poop," he called for help, but no one was around.

"I couldn't move," he says. "I yelled and yelled but nobody could hear.

"That evening the goat came and I was able to get hold of an old bottle and I milked her into the bottle and I was able to have a drink. She slept there beside me every night I was there."

The other Mandy (the dog) also curled up with him to provide warmth and reportedly brought him some old bones as he lay waiting for help ("No, Mandy —I said 'phone!' ").

Finally on Oct. 13, some friends stopped by Mr. Osborne's remote property and found him weak and delirious but still alive thanks to his four-legged pals. Thanks to an ample supply of goat's milk, Mr. Osborne's ba-a-a-ad experience did not end in feta-lity. He was taken by ambulance to Benalla and District Memorial Hospital and treated.

First, I would like to apologize about the stupid humor in this article. It is moderately nauseating. The point must be taken, however that the dog and goat are heroes. I don't know if the goat was a good influence keeping the dog from going to the dark side (kind of like Obi-Wan Kenobi). But it heartwarming to see how the animals stood by their man. It is also apparent that the cow was not so influenced by the goat in a good way, trying to bump off the farmer.

A couple of other observations:

• This guy named both his goat and cow Mandy. I am not sure if he was a big Barry Manilow fan prior to this, but he certainly is now. Since he is from Australia, I am surprised he did not name them all Bruce or Shiela. It is not clear in the article if the cow was named Mandy as well.
  
• I hope a cow bumps the writer of this article into the "Poop" after writing this hideous article.
  
• Rumor has it that this dog has subsequently been shunned from the secret dog society meetings and has not been able to get into a driver's ed class since this incedent.

Let me end with a tribute to these fine animals:

Yesterday's a dream
I face the morning
Crying on the breeze
the pain is calling, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away,
oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy

Please, no weeping on the keyboard.

Ha, Ha, Mandy, I am going to drive a car when I grow up!