Given that this is my anniversary, I need to give major props to my wife, Terri. She has shown major patience with her distractable and obsessive husband. We are up to 16 years, and most of the credit falls on her. Marriage is hard, but as Bruce Cockburn says: "Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight."So I guess this deserves a top 10 list (which I do enjoy doing). So, the top 10 lessons from 16 years of marriage:
- It is better to not say something smart than to say something stupid.
- It is not always good to say what you think - transparency is over-rated. You may feel totally different in a day (or an hour, for that matter).
- They say that the biggest stressors on a marriage are money, sex, and inlaws. I disagree. I think kids are the biggest stress. Discipline is a huge issue, plus they really cause the other issues to get worse: they take a lot of money, they make it so you don't have sex, and they bring the inlaws over.
- Don't expect your home to look like your parents' home. This expectation can cause major grief and is not necessary.
- Mess up doing the laundry early in the relationship and you will never be asked to do it again (I shrunk one of her outfits and she realized I had no aptitude).
- Don't have 3 kids within 2.5 years and then move. It really sucks.
- Find someone who shares your musical taste with you - it really is great when you both listen to basically the same stuff (as music is very important to me).
- If you marry an artist, expect the unexpected. Predictability is optional.
- Laugh often.
- The more you know them, the more you realize you don't know. Humility is the biggest key. Don't think you will ever arrive at your final destination because both you and your spouse is a moving target.
