Thursday, June 15, 2006

Discounts that are 6 feet Deep...

Now, I am all for discounts and saving money, and I realize that the cost of burial can be quite high. But I have a little problem with one of the stores in fair city. It is a store called "Caskets & More" (see sign to the right).

I really struggle to find words as to why this bothers me. I mean, it really is not a bad thing to sell caskets - we will all need one some day (I suppose it is very possible to do without, but it is certainly customary). I also understand the need for businesses to make money. It's just...Caskets.

So here are some ideas for advertising campaigns:
  1. Buy a coffin, get a free urn!
  2. Prices so cheap, you'll feel like you robbed the grave.
  3. A tisket, a tasket, a bargain on a casket.
  4. We bury our competition (and our customers).
  5. Our service won't leave you in the cold.
  6. Coffee? Cream?...Coffin? Cremate?
  7. No Body is Better.
  8. You never know if you need us.
  9. Why so cheap? Two words: "Cardboard Boxes."
  10. Monumental Savings.

So I got thinking, what are some other business that could be of a similar ilk:

  • DIY Colonoscopies - What do Gastroenterologists know anyway?
  • Urinals R Us
  • Sputum Central - "Thanks for bringing that up!"
  • Dog Doo Madness - Deeply Discounted Dung
  • Grim Reaper's home embalming kit- "Just make sure they're really dead..."
  • Parasite Pals - no wait, that is the real thing.
So, if you have a hankerin' for a casket, y'all come on down to AGS. No one can beat our prices! You will REALLY rest in peace.