Saturday, September 23, 2006

The Straight Dope

OK, they do call it dope, don't they?

Man strolling with pot plants busted

Fri Sep 22, 9:03 PM ET

Aaron Janssen made it way too easy. Janssen, 36, was arrested on marijuana charges Thursday, after he was spotted taking a leisurely stroll through downtown, carrying his recently harvested pot plants.

Polk County Chief Deputy Mark Burdock said he did a double-take when he looked out his office window at the county jail and saw Janssen walking down the sidewalk, carrying his freshly harvested crop.

"I look out the window ... , and I see him walking north carrying a green leafy substance, all pulled up by its roots," Burdock said. "He was carrying it like you'd carry a bundle of presents. It was tall enough where he was looking over the top of them, and he's just walking like nothing's going on."

Burdock said he went outside and yelled at Janssen, who walked right over to him, still carrying the plants.

Janssen said the plants were part of his marijuana grown near the Des Moines River, but wouldn't say exactly where, Burdock said.

Deputies also found two two-pound bags of processed marijuana strapped to each of Janssen's legs, and a third wrapped in a sweater.

There is not really much I can say about this display of incredible intelligence. Is it cluelessness, or is it a drug-induced stupor? Does it matter?

OK, number two:

Mom properly jailed for letting baby smoke dope

Fri Sep 22, 4:10 PM ET

A Montana mother who allowed her 18-month-old baby daughter to inhale from a marijuana water pipe on several occasions was properly convicted, but should not have to spend five years in jail, a U.S. appeals court ruled on Friday.

Jessica Durham was photographed allowing her toddler Michala to suck from a marijuana water pipe, also known as a bong, in 2004 by a friend upset about the activity.

"Ms. Durham allegedly remarked that smoking improved Michala's appetite and left Michala lethargic and mellow - a manner she found consistent with her own experience smoking marijuana," Judge Louis Pollak of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals wrote in summarising the case.

In 2005, a lower court sentenced Durham to five years in prison for unlawful marijuana distribution. She appealed both the conviction and the sentence.

In its ruling on Friday, a three-judge panel of the 9th Circuit upheld the conviction but said the sentence exceeded the applicable federal law which calls for punishment of no more than two years in prison.

I give a lot of advice for the way to properly handle an 18-Month old. Typically these kids are throwing temper tantrums and are quite a handful (believe me, I have had 4 of them at home). This is a real novel approach. There have certainly been times when "lethargic and mellow" sounds just great. Improved appetite as well...hmmm.

Now, here is a good approach to snuff out the conspiracy:

Polish woman caught growing marijuana for cow

Fri Sep 22, 11:19 AM ET

A Polish woman who grew marijuana to calm the nerves of her cow has been charged with cultivating a narcotic by police in the western town of Lobez.

The cow had been "skittish and unruly" -- once breaking a person's arm -- until someone suggested mixing cannabis in with its feed, the woman told police.

"The cow became as calm as a lamb," the 55-year-old woman said, according to the PAP news agency.

The woman's plants, grown from seeds she bought at a market, reached nearly three metres (yards) tall and were extremely potent, police said.

Marijuana possession is a crime throughout Poland. The woman faces up to three years in jail if convicted.

What is most interesting here is the fact that the woman giving pot to the cow could get more time than the lady who had her baby sucking on the bong. I really think that the people of Switzerland ought to sit up and take notice. Just make Elsie real mellow. With all the controversy about cows fed hormones, this poses a different kind of problem.

I also wonder about the whole deal with the cows speaking with different accents. How would a cow on pot talk? "Well, like Mooo...." "Hey man, this cud just tastes great! I think, like, I might just chew it again." "Whoaaa. Am I seeing spots? No, that's just a Guernsey. Heh, heh, heh."