Saturday, November 11, 2006

Scandinavian shenanigans

Minnesotans should be worried (Laundress, you can be worried too). There is big trouble afoot in Scandinavia. People and animals are going nuts. Now, I know that Scandinavians talk kind of funny, but they must really talk funny when they are drunk...

Drunk Norwegian Breaks Into Prison

OSLO, Norway - In a different kind of jail break, a very drunk young man surprised prison guards by breaking into their northern Norway jail. "You might say we were a bit perturbed to find this person on our turf," prison warden Geir Broen said on the state radio network NRK on Monday.

Broen said the district prison in the Arctic town of Bodoe is rebuilding its outer fence, and that the man broke through a section of temporary fencing.

The weak fence is of no help to real prisoners seeking a way out, since they are confined within the walls of the jail compound.

The Norwegian, identified only as being in his 20s, was apparently was trying to find his way home after a Friday night party.

"I don't think this guy knew where he was, and he was pretty well under the influence," Broen said on the radio.

When police came to pick up the man to take him home, he told them he thought he was in Moerkved, a neighborhood about 6 miles east of the prison.

"I guess you could say this was notable day in the history of the Bodoe Jail," Broen said. "But I hope we don't have many similar incidents in the future."

I wonder if this man has a fence with barbed wire around his house. That would make it easy to confuse with a prison. Please note that this guy was 6 miles off. Was someone playing a trick on him, letting him off in Bodoe rather than Moerkved. I have always told my patients: Don't get your Bodoe confused with your Moerkved. It will really get you in trouble.

But it is not just the 20-somethings that are getting drunk. Wild animals are getting in on the act:

Drunken elk terrorizes Swedish schoolchildren

A drunken elk is terrorizing children at a school in southern Sweden.

"That could be the problem. We could be dealing with a boozy elk," Jan Caiman, a police officer in Molndal, told the national news agency TT.

The elk was probably eating fermented apples in a garden and had become inebriated, Caiman said.

Elk can weigh as much as 500 kilos (1,100 lb) and personnel at the school described the erratic male as "completely mad".

"The children are really scared," the receptionist at the school near Molndal in southern Sweden told the Gothenburg Post.

Caiman said police had contacted hunters and that if the elk did not calm down, it could be shot.

Talk about a party crasher. This elk, probably hanging out at the local Elk's Club, gets smashed and starts picking on kids. Perhaps he was looking for a designated driver and just got confused. Perhaps he was looking for a zoo to break into.

Certainly this teaches me a lesson about leaving fermented apples in my back yard. I was wondering why the squirrels were acting so odd. So were my kids, now that I come to think of it...

The final chaos is caused by a mutant pig:

Swedish woman pursued by wild boar

NYKOPING, Sweden, Nov. 6 (UPI) -- A Swedish

woman looking for her cat found a wild boar instead, or it found her.

Sara Andren of Nykoping, southwest of Stockholm, told The Local the boar was "big and disgusting" and sounded "like a cross between a pig and a wolf."

Andren said the boar appeared as she searched some bushes. Since she was not sure of how to react, she began running.

"I don't know how far I ran but I kept going until I was completely out of breath," she said. "When I turned around the boar had given up the chase."

Andren enlisted the help of a male friend before she resumed the search for her cat.

"He heard more grunting noises from the bushes, so there must have been at least one other boar. They don't usually travel alone," she said.

A cross between a pig and a wolf? That would be a wig, or polf. It obviously found her attractive and probably just wanted to exchange e-mail addresses. I am sure many of the women of this world have been chased by wild bores at parties. Beware. They are just wolves in pigs clothing.

Try as I may, I cannot find any dirt on Denmark. I suppose they are too busy ice skating,

making danishes, or offending all Muslims.

Extra points if you can figure out why this picture is here.