Monday, October 16, 2006

One Too Many

There are many studies on the effects of alcohol on a person's health. Alcohol is a serious problem in the world, causing much pain and suffering.

On a lighter note, alcohol can make people do really stupid things:

Woman charged with drunk horse riding

Tue Oct 10, 5:19 PM ET

Well, that's a DUI of a different color. Heather Darnell, 22, of Mountain City, Ga., faces a drunk driving charge after she steered the horse she was riding onto the highway and tangled with a car, authorities said. Darnell also was cited for entering a traffic lane.

She remains in fair condition after being airlifted to the Gwinnett Medical Center in Lawrenceville, Ga.

The horse apparently survived, officials said.

Three people who were in the Pontiac Bonneville that struck the horse Friday night were treated at Mountain Lakes Medical Center in Clayton, Ga., and released: Ancella Gragg, 32, of Lakemont, Ga., who was at the wheel; and a 13-year-old girl and 9-year-old boy.

Trooper Anthony Coleman said Gragg did not see the horse until too late and was unable to avoid hitting it.

"If it's on the public right-of-way, you're under the same jurisdiction as if you're in a car," Coleman said.

I am pleased to say that this fine specimen resides in my home state, Georgia. Riding the horse while smashed is a favorite pastime in the Peach State. We sometimes like to get the horses drunk as well. The madcap adventures never stop!

Seriously, this lady ought to realize that she needs to call a cab with a large trailer whenever s

he has had too much. Someone should have taken away her saddle so she couldn't go. Now she gets her horse license suspended. Too bad!

I did find this website, which features a beer-drinking horse. The Clydesdales drink him under the table every time.

Here is a novel solution to a problem:

Man Eats Underwear To Beat Breathalyzer

A Stettler man tried to eat his underwear in the hope that the cotton fabric would absorb alcohol before he took a breathalyzer test, provincial court heard this week.

David Zurfluh was subsequently acquitted of a charge of impaired driving because he blew a .08, the legal limit.

But the testimony broke up people in Judge David MacNaughton’s provincial court

here Thursday afternoon.

Mr. Zurfluh was collared by RCMP Const. Bill Robinson after he ran from his vehicle, which had been seen weaving down the highway.

While sitting in the back of the patrol car, Mr. Zurfluh tried to eat his shorts, Const. Robinson told the court.

Mr. Zurfluh said he ripped the crotch out of his shorts, stuffed the fabric in his mouth, then spit it out.

A class of law students from William E. Hay Composite High, in court as observers, was removed by the teacher when testimony enlivened the proceedings. The Grade 11 and 12 students had difficulty maintaining composure.

"People were leaving the courtroom with tears in their eyes, trying not to laugh," said

RCMP Const. Peter McFarlane.

So Dave, what is it, boxers or briefs??

Oh boy, this one is loaded. You could say that he was short on brains. You could say he wanted a brief snack. You could say he had his daily allowance of fruit (of the loom). Perhaps he mistook the jingle for: "Wait till we get your Hanes in you."

So here is the scene in the courtroom:

Judge: "Mr Zurfluh."
Bailiff: "Gesundheit!"
Judge: "Mr Zurfluh, what did you eat under there?"

Zurfluh: "Underwear?"
Audience: "Yuck, Yuck, Yuck!"
Zurfluh: "
No, seriously...."

I suppose these High School students were very impressed by this demonstration of the powerful mind-numbing effect of alcohol.

Finally, from the wonderful state of Wisconsin:

Milwaukee is named 'Drunkest City'

MILWAUKEE --Milwaukee has been ranked by as "America's Drunkest City" on a list of 35 major metropolitan areas ranked for their drinking habits.

Forbes said Tuesday it used numbers from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to rank

cities in five areas: state laws, number of drinkers, number of heavy drinkers, number of binge drinkers and alcoholism.

Minneapolis-St. Paul was ranked second overall; followed by Columbus, Ohio; Boston; Austin, Texas; Chicago; Cleveland; Pittsburgh and then Philadelphia and Providence, R.I., in a tie for ninth.

Rick DeMeyer, 28, said Wednesday as he was celebrating his birthday at G-Daddy's

BBC he could understand Milwaukee's ranking.

"I have had people stay with me from London and Chicago, and they can't get over how much we drink," he said. "I guess we do."

But officials at Visit Milwaukee, the area's conve

ntion and visitors bureau, contend

that the city has come a long way in ridding itself of its beer-guzzling image.

Milwaukeeans have plenty of other ways to entertain

themselves without drinking alcohol, said Dave Fantle, a spokesman for the group. He noted a new convention center and baseball park had been built and the Milwaukee Art Museum expanded in recent years.

"We've gone from Brew City to new city," he said.

This really comes as no surprise to me. There is no way that anyone sober would wear cheese on their head and take their shirt off in -20 degree temperature. There is no way that fans would willingly pay to watch the Brewers play. There is no way people would dress up in costumes like various types of sausage and race around the stadium.

So this causes me to ponder several other questions:

  • Are people in Milwaukee allowed to ride horses?
  • Are underwear sales brisk in Wisconsin?
  • Is G-Daddy's BBC a Hapnin' joint?
  • Can people find their way to the art museum, or do they just stand and stare at graffiti saying "Whoa. I love abstract art."?

Finally, let me ask my readers, who would you rather spend an evening with (and why)?

  1. Heather Darnell, the drunk equestrian.
  2. David Zurfluh, the brief gourmet.
  3. Rick DeMeyer, who has a daily birthday party at G-Daddy's BBC.
  4. Dave Fantle, the guy who made the lame "Brew City to New City" comment.

Polls are now open...