Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Planet of the Dogs?

The evidence just keeps piling up:

Joyriding Dog Drives Garbage Truck into River

GREENVILLE, NH — Most dogs just tear up the trash. "Bear", a 3-year-old Newfoundland, went so far as to dump a truckload of trash—as well as the truck—into the Souhegan River.

Now that's what I call an overachiever.

Just after 4:30am on Thursday morning, a 10-wheeled trash compactor truck smashed through the guardrails on Adams Street and landed nose first in the river below. Behind the wheel, unharmed but rather excited, was the furry, four-footed perpetrator of the crime.

Again, if a baby were driving this truck, he probably would have done just fine (as outlined in a previous post). Why must people continue to be so trusting of these dogs?? They are overcome with a sense of power when left alone at the wheel. You might just as well throw a steak in front of them.

Equally scary...

Dog and Cows Steal Pickup Truck

ALVA, OK (USA) — According to an article in NewsOK, a gang of farmyard car-thieves pulled off the animal heist of the century when they cleverly liberated a man of his pickup truck. While one cow created a roadside diversion on Lyle Sneary's Oklahoma farm, prompting Mr. Sneary to exit his truck, "Rancher" the dog locked the doors and took off. Meanwhile, adding insult to absurdity, the rest of the herd of cows charged at the hapless man.

It would've been the perfect crime, except that the dog crashed the truck into a tree several yards down the path.

"That part of the day I was not real happy," says Mr. Sneary.

Some time after the incident, Oklahoma Highway Patrol Trooper Chris West stopped by the house and assessed the situation, reporting: "I'm going to have to revoke Rancher's driver's license."

Mr. Sneary describes how he and Rancher, a Blue Heeler, were feeding cattle in a pasture when the dog noticed a cow that was down. The two drove to the heifer, and Mr. Sneary left Rancher inside the pickup truck while he went to check on the cow.

He managed to get the cow back on her feet and fed her some hay. That's when the rest of the herd began to charge toward him, coming for the food.

The farmer started yelling and waving at the herd, causing Rancher to get excited inside the cab of the pickup truck. First the dog jumped on the automatic door lock, locking the vehicle. Then he jumped on the dash, knocking the gear shift out of park. Then he stomped on it.

When Mr. Sneary saw the truck moving, he jumped onto the sideboard and tried to reach inside the window to control the vehicle, but it was heading straight for a tree.

At the last instant, the man bailed out and rolled into a field where he watched his truck slam into the tree, smashing the front end.

The man and dog had to walk a mile and a half to a telephone so they could call Mrs. Sneary.

Lyle... you've got a lot of 'splainin' to do!

I think this is a picture of the dog flying out of the truck while
the cow watches on in horror

People think I am just going off the deep end on this consipracy thing, but THIS STUFF IS REAL!!! There is also another reference to the horizontal cow phenomenon seen in Belvidere, NE (pop 98). I suspect some sort of telepathic bond between the cows and the dog. It is clear that this was a well-planned event, even with the stampede of cows attacking the farmer (who is a blue heel...I think there is a cream you can use to get rid of that). Yet the brash overconfidence that the dog shows is evident as he once again crashes the truck.

Notice too that the man had his license taken away. It is commonly felt among the police that people should be held responsible for their dog's behavior. When a dog commits a crime, the owners are held negligent as having poorly trained the dog. The options here are that they should have trained the dog better to obey its master, or they should have first enrolled him in drivers ed.

Finally, the most scary news...

Man Shot to Death. Prime Suspect: Dog
(Date unverified) Bad Uracht, Germany

A German man was fatally shot in his car after a hunting expedition. Police found the murder weapon on the car seat where the man had apparently placed it.

Investigators believe the culprit to be the man's dog who evidently jumped on the gun when entering the car, causing it to discharge.

No witnesses could be found, and the dog is refusing to speak

This picture was found in the glove box of the car. Apparently the
police covered up the part about the monkey with the bazooka.
Yikes! That is scary!
The dog carried out his plan just like he wanted to. The only problem was that the man had the keys in his pocket, and a dog without opposable thumbs can't get a hold, so he was stuck to be
caught red-pawed at the scene of the crime.

As an aside, who would move to a town named "Bad Urach?" It is two miles away from Good Urach, which is much cleaner and has a working sewer system. Maybe the dog was just upset at living in such a bad town? I have to say, I couldn't blame him if that were the case.

Overall, this scares me to death. These dogs are getting bolder by the day. People and Llamas of the world need to band together and protect ourselves from this devious plan to take over.
I just hope the Air Force is keeping the dogs out of the cockpits of their fighter jets!

Here are a few more worrisome pics:

The cows, tired of the poor track record of driving dogs,
are trying other novel means of transportation.

"Okay, now you do that horizontal thing and get him
out of the truck and I'll take it from there..."