Sunday, October 29, 2006

You are what you wear

Halloween is coming. As a parent, this has caused great stress in the past. Figuring out what consumes to wear for the kids was a very time consuming task for us. My wife is very creative, and hence she wants to do a "good job" on the kids' costumes. This makes us very frantic just before Trick or Treating.

Here are some sad stories about wearing abnormal things:

Man in Chicken Suit Cries Foul Over Abuse

To Steven Turnage, it was bad enough to
dress up in a chicken suit and stand along
a city street in 105-degree heat. Having passers-by shoot bottle rockets at him has him crying foul.

"People don't take this costume seriously," said Turnage, who wears the suit to promote a fast-food restaurant. "They need to understand that there's a human

underneath that suit. It's getting to the point where this is really a dangerous situation."

One rocket nearly hit him in the eye and another burned part of his suit. Police have heard Turnage's complaints but haven't issued any citations.

"Obviously it is against city ordinance to shoot fireworks inside the city limits," police spokeswoman Amber Dillon said.

Turnage said that during the two weeks he has worn the chicken suit people have thrown smokeless tobacco cans at him and tossed frozen drinks. After a bottle rocket attack, he called police.

"It's challenging," Turnage said. "You've got to be very dedicated and have a high tolerance for heat. You almost have to have a calling from the Lord to do this type of work."

OK, I have to say I do feel for this guy. It is bad enough to be humiliated by wearing a chicken suit, but to be shot at with bottle rockets? You may see that as a message from above that maybe you should change your line of work.

He did make some interesting comments, such as: "People don't take this costume seriously."
Well, I would hope not. It is a giant chicken suit, and to take it seriously would mean that they thought he really was a giant chicken. Perhaps they did take it seriously and the bottle rockets were an attempt to protect themselves from an evil mutant chicken.

The second comment worth noting is, "You almost have to have a calling from the Lord to do this type of work." This has serious theological implications. Does God call people to wear chicken suits in 105 degree weather, or does free will allow man to do things that he probably thinks are a bad idea? I'm sure somewhere there is a Sunday school teacher saying: "If you are going to wear a chicken suit in 105 degree weather and be shot at with fireworks, be the best man in a chicken suit in 105 degree weather (partially on fire) that you can!" I don't know if that works in with my theology. I don't see this situation as a means to get to heaven, it is more a foretaste of hell.

Oh yes, and note that he had smokeless tobacco thrown at him. Guess what part of the country he is from. Yes, it is the South - Arkansas. I wonder if it was snuff.

Story #2:

Clown Is Running for Mayor of Alameda

ALAMEDA, Calif. - A real clown is running for mayor of

Alameda, and even his sister won't vote for him.

Kenneth Kahn, 41, a professional joker known as "Kenny the Clown," admits he's running a long-shot campaign for City Hall's top spot. Kahn has not previously run for an elected position and has never sat on a public board.

"People ask me, 'Do we really want to elect a clown for mayor of the city?'" he said. "I say, 'That's an excellent question.'"

Kahn's mother, Barbara, said her son doesn't have a chance, and Sylvia Kahn, a teacher, said her brother's candidacy is a "mockery of our system."

"I don't think it makes any sense, because, to me, running for mayor is not where you

start as far as community involvement goes," she said.

In November, the funnyman who graduated from the University of California at Berkeley, faces incumbent Beverly Johnson and City Councilman Doug deHaan.

It would be easy to run against this guy. All you would need as a campaign slogan is: "Don't vote for that Clown!" I wonder if he has a son named Genghis.

Last, but not least:

Man Who Claims Toupee Caused Attack Sues

A man who claims he had a heart attack during a dispute over an ill- fitting hairpiece that didn't match his hair color is suing the wig shop.

Paul Lewis claims he suffered a heart attack after refusing to pay for the hairpiece that was not only the wrong size but also the wrong color. He is seeking more than $15,000 in damages.

Lewis filed a counter lawsuit in Superior Court after Paula's Wig Boutique of Orange filed a small claims action seeking $1,200 in payment for the hairpiece.

Lewis claims he fell ill in December 2004 after Paula Wood, the owner of the wig shop, threatened to call police because he refused to pay, according to court records.

Lewis told the Connecticut Post that Wood sold him the hairpiece in a darkened room and he didn't realize it was the wrong color until later. He said he put a stop payment on a check he issued to the shop.

Wood said she has no idea why Lewis suffered a heart attack over the incident and added that he was so happy with the hairpiece when he left the shop that he "hugged me and thanked me."

She added that her shop is brightly lit and Lewis left with the hairpiece during the day.

This is a fascinating story. I would think that the guy in the chicken suit would be the one with the heart attack. The guy is balding and probably rotund. He got a hairpiece and it looked bad - now that's a shocker. He blames the bad-looking hairpiece for his heart attack, failing to mention the "Monster Burger" he had on the way from the shop. I guess people started shooting bottle rockets at him because they "took it seriously" and thought he was being attacked by a rodent. Now that would make a heart attack more likely.

Having a bad hairpiece is not always a curse. I looked toupees up on Wikipedia and it had pictures of William Shatner and Donald Trump. It didn't stop them, did it?

So I end this post talking about Halloween consumes. When I was five, my mother got me a Satan costume. Now, I was a hyperactive boy (looking back, I clearly would have been medicated in today's culture), but Satan?? Hmph. It did glow in the dark, though, and I thought that was pretty cool.

Some people get consumes for their pets (see below). I don't know, but it always appears to me that the animals are really humiliated by the whole thing. Maybe they should have a heart attack and sue. Maybe they should shoot bottle rockets at their masters.

Happy Halloween! (Random Questions).